The Pleasure Gap: Why Women Still Feel Guilty About Wanting Orgasms
By Sophie, 38
The Myth That Still Won’t Die
For decades, women have been told that desire is something to manage — not celebrate.
We’ve learned to prioritise our partner’s satisfaction, our appearance, or how “good” we look doing it. But what about what feels good?
That imbalance has a name: the pleasure gap — the stubborn difference between how often men and women reach orgasm, feel confident asking for what they want, or even believe they deserve pleasure at all.
And despite all the supposed progress, that gap still exists.
What the Numbers Say (and Don’t Say)
Research consistently shows that in heterosexual relationships, men climax around 90% of the time. Women? Closer to 60%.
And among those same women, nearly half admit to faking it at least once — usually to protect their partner’s ego or “move things along.”
That statistic doesn’t just reflect biology; it reflects conditioning.
We were taught to be modest, quiet, grateful — but never greedy. The idea that wanting more could make us “too much.”
The Real Cost of the Pleasure Gap
When women grow up disconnected from their own pleasure, it doesn’t just affect sex — it affects everything.
Confidence, self-image, boundaries, even creativity — they’re all linked to how comfortable we are in our own bodies.
If you’ve ever apologised for taking too long, gone without because you “weren’t in the mood,” or felt guilty for wanting solo time — you’ve felt the pleasure gap at work.
Reclaiming Desire Starts With Yourself
Here’s the part nobody says out loud: self-pleasure isn’t a replacement for intimacy; it’s training for it.
Exploring your body teaches you what you like and what you don’t. It’s how you learn to communicate desire instead of perform it.
That’s why toys like vibrators aren’t just fun — they’re tools for confidence.
A Few Ways to Close Your Own Pleasure Gap
1. Make Pleasure Routine, Not a Reward
You don’t need a special occasion to feel good. Treat self-pleasure like skincare — part of caring for yourself, not an indulgence.
2. Silence the Guilt Voice
That little whisper that says “you don’t need this” or “it’s selfish” — that’s cultural noise, not truth.
Pleasure isn’t selfish. It’s self-knowledge.
3. Try New Sensations
Whether it’s a new position, a new toy, or simply slowing down, variety is a gateway to confidence.
Start small: a bullet vibrator for precision, a wand for power, or an air-pulse toy if you prefer something gentler.
4. Talk About It (Even If It’s Awkward)
Sharing your desires with a partner isn’t oversharing — it’s intimacy.
Try starting with “I read something that made me curious…” or “Can we try this?”
Why This Conversation Still Matters
We talk about empowerment in every area of life — work, motherhood, body image — yet pleasure is still the final taboo.
But closing the pleasure gap isn’t about proving a point. It’s about women learning to trust that wanting more doesn’t make us difficult; it makes us human.
Sophie’s Takeaway
Pleasure is not a luxury item.
It’s communication, it’s connection, it’s confidence — and it belongs to everyone.
If there’s guilt in your way, consider this your permission slip to let it go.
Because the real revolution isn’t in talking about sex — it’s in finally enjoying it.
Explore: